I’ve been given a budget of (add practiced Austin Powers voice) one million dollars to do a video for my new song “Freeek!”
Naturally, I’ve been playing with ideas. I thought, “How about using the red lobster suit Kenny likes to much? The one we got on special order once that I’ve been too shy to actually wear?” Then I thought, “Nah… a bit too personal…” Then I thought, “Hell, f*** it, why not?” So I included that.
So there’s me in the red suit (Kenny was really excited when I told him)(And I really mean that!), then there’s me in another suit, a black sort of beetle-with-attitude and some kick-a** glasses. I also want to get one of them body suits that makes me look sorta butch. Or just do a really bad job or putting my head on top of some muscly bloke. Whichever!
Now, I’m getting some b****es in. Dogs, that is. And then I’ll whip them around a bit and hopefully someone can make them turn into women by the whip of a… well, whip. Then I’ll use an old joke Kenny and I had a laugh over a while back. I’m not telling you yet, but it’s got to do with Mastercard. What rhymes with ‘card’? Huh? Huh? Yeah, exactly. Then add a bit of special effects, Blade Runner vibe, some chicks and we’re there. Boom! A million dollars.
OK, so I had everything sorted out. The thing is planned, I already have the lobster suit, and as I told Kenny he started jumping up and down, requesting I put it on. I said I was quite comfortable in the yellow polkadot G-string I was trying out before using it in another video for a song I made on Sept 11, where I’ll have a word with Bush and Blair. I will. Blair and his soddin’ guitar in the toilet. Jesus…
Anyway, so eventually I’m in the red lobster outfit and Kenny looks at me with the most secuding glance I’ve recalled to have seen, and I tell ya, even the first time I saw him I nearly dropped my pants right there in front of him. This proved hard (lol) to repeat, given the outfit I was in wasn’t as easy to drop as the previously mentioned pants. It started getting really hot in there, and it was with horror I realised I was stuck. Kenny got on it, tried to get it open, but no such luck.
Eventually Ken was sitting on my belly, trying to pull the chest part of the suit off me, when that didn’t work he forcefully turned me over, and continued pulling and jerking the backside of it. It was actually quite arousing, but it was not the most comfortable situation nor outfit to get excited in, so I thought of a dead squirrel to prevent a disasterous reaction.
An hour later I was on the kitchen bench, on my back, watching Kenny look for a knife in the drawer. Was at this point so hot and bothered and embarrassed I was totally with the idea of being disected on the worktop like some… well… lobster. Just as he was about to have a go with the sharp metal object, he eyed something on my left hand side. He said, “George, what’s this?” I had a look at something that appeared to be a lock. He basically pressed the button lightly and the whole thing opened like that cave in that fairytale. Open sesame.
Note to self: remember where lock is for filming of video that starts next week. Remember to remember this.
George x
