A fan sent me some stuff on a DVD. Some stuff by me. Live things and misc. To be honest I don’t know why people do that sort of thing, cause if I really wanted to see myself perform, wouldn’t I just take a look in the mirror?
Whatever. So I put the thing on, ran around after Abbey as she seemed to find it terribly amusing to run around with my mobile phone in her mouth. It’s one thing that I don’t use it all that much – truth being told, I’m nervous around technology (like this morning when I woke up from a penetrating, loud noise filling the bedroom and I realised about ten seconds too late that it was my newly purchased wonder of a mobile phone. I have no idea how to use it; to turn the volume down from air raid siren level, to change the ring tone to something less obnoxious, to send messages, to understand messages but I’ve finally figured out how to read them) but dog drool doesn’t improve the usage.
When I came back, phone in hand, the DVD was in the middle of what appeared to be some live performance of “I Want Your Sex”. Intrigued I skipped back and was met with myself shaking my crotch in some poor girl’s face. Live in Sydney it said. Was that stuff shown on national TV? Blow me! Spot the Paula Abdul influence! She worked with me and – by the look of things – the Jackson family at the time. Please tell me I didn’t just touch my crotch there!
I rewound, and surely enough, there I was, in front of 20,000 people touching myself on stage. Great. I’m really proud of myself for that. Had to watch again. Still can’t believe it. All of a sudden it came back to me, I remembered the exact night! I got laid that night! And no wonder, after giving that performance! Have to admit, if I wasn’t me, I’d probably shag me. I mean, the butt looks great. The look worked very well. The butt. The butt really, really did look immaculate! I’d shag me just cos the butt.
After watching myself shake my own arse another seven times, I clicked on. The original Careless Whisper video. All of a sudden I remembered why I spent another half a million to make it right. Christ, the hairdo! Besides, the Jerry Wexler version takes the energy straight outta it. The ‘full’ storyline really was quite bad. I recall one day of filming when one of the models, Lisa Stahl, fainted as we frolicked in bed. I wanted something hot and steamy, so I came out wearing only a tiny towel and she was naked underneath the covers. As we started ‘going at it’, she blacked out. I thought it may have been a bit too hot for the poor 18-year-old and changed the scene into something less steamy. Had that happened now I’d probably just fire her sorry arse and get someone in who could handle the pleasure. Urr, pressure.
In the middle of the third run of “Careless Whisper” Kenny came in and stared at the screen. “Is that you, Hon?” he asked. I nodded. “Not your best haircut, is it?” I gave him a stern look and he shut it. “I love the curls, though!” he eventually added. So I clicked on, only to be met with the Australian 60 minutes interview from like 1988. He was a real arsehole, he was. His first question being, “George, are you gay?” Of course, even though I knew I was gay at the time, I got really defensive and started talking about bedding women, men or dogs and that people shouldn’t care. Grinning through my teeth, clearly not impressed. Kenny nearly died laughing – until I gave him a firm look, suggesting this wasn’t the time or place. He disagreed and had a go at my hair (what the hell was wrong with my hair?) as I got annoyed when reminded of the *******’s view on my lyrics. ‘Piece of s***’ indeed. I’d like to see YOU write anything you w***er!
Skipped on. *******. Got onto the video I did with Hazel O’Connor like a hundred years ago. I’d forgotten about that, and by the time I arrived in the video wearing a suit and tie, naturally curly hair and a cute girlfriend, Kenny was back, commenting on the hair, saying, “Why do you have to blowdry it all the time, Hon?” I got into a long rant about how he doesn’t know what hell it is to live with curls, given his hair is as straight as Charles Bronson. He sat down on my lap and started playing with a curl in the back of my head that had escaped the blowdrier. Secretly wishing I could go back to the Older haircut, but know Kenny wouldn’t approve. So much easier though, so much easier!
Somehow got distracted… Will take up watching DVD at later time.
George x
