I’ve had a good weekend. I won’t go into details, but it involved me, a couple of cute, naked, greased-up guys, some wine, some weed, some – well – shagging and the works. What were they called? I don’t think I care. 
I’m now in Spain. It’s hot. Arrived this morning. I was told at the airport that I couldn’t bring my laptop on the plane and had a loud argument with the young, cocky fucker behind the till that said if I had a problem I could direct my sarcasm and swearing towards the manager. People were queueing up, I was just waiting for the fucking press to show up, but as I was in the middle of making a scene anyway I said I’d wait – in his face – till he had called up the manager. I was getting quite excited, to tell you the truth, to give this manager a piece of my mind, when this absolutely incredibly gorgeous guy (tall, dark, fit, tanned – like a tall, dark Kenny) came up and said mildly, “What can I do ya for, Sir?” I was gawking for a while, until I said “Do you accept a credit card?” but he didn’t seem to find it funny. It wasn’t meant to be funny either, but everyone else were laughing. I explained about the laptop and that I didn’t want some other arsehole to end up with all my… private documents and… unfinished songs and… family pictures. Ya know! At this point I still had my weed firmly placed in my pocket inside the actual pocket and wrapped in something (that I obviously cannot reveal) to keep even dogs from smelling it. Finally (!) we agreed that I could bring my laptop on, but not my bottle of water. So I said fine, got through security and onto the plane.
On the actual plane I had a goddamn pissant screaming kid fucker on board. I was in first class and had a 3-month-old right behind me. I already felt my lips tightening when I was in the boarding area – that I’d already arrived fashionably late, of course – and saw this tiny little shit in a sling. It was already doing the most annoying almost-crying noises. You know the kind, right? The ee… ee… ee… ee…, then pause, it took a deep breath before embarking on the real one. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Pitched, of course, to get maximum response. Kenny was at this point looking lovingly at me, with begging eyes, but before he got to the question I calmly shook my head and mouthed “nooooo!” before I added, “Play families with Geri if you want one.” So he turned around on his heel and did that very thing. Hmmmf!
I finally got to the hotel – at an undisclosed location (fairly close to the venue on Saturday) and the first thing I got when I arrived was a note from Sony saying, “Decide on 12 songs that haven’t been on albums before that are going on the third record on the greatest hits. By Friday, please.” First I thought they were full of shit, but then… I called them up and they were, well, serious.
We’re currently in rehearsals – looking forward to Saturday with some horror but also starting to feel slight excitement. 
Love,
George xx
