OK, so I’m confused.
I’m in Barcelona, right, on my own (considering Kenny decided to stay home and take Geri to the Ivy so they could gossip and rubber-neck together) and decided to go out and wander the streets. I thought, nobody here will realise it’s me, cause, surely, they remember me with big hair and a beard and jeans and… oh wait…! I see why this went wrong now.
Anyway, lemme explain.
I went out, and saw this dude in a club thing and went up to him. He was tall, dark and handsome and looked kinda Spanish. I don’t know much Spanish, to be totally honest with ya. I know about as much Spanish as I know French. So really… nil. But, I did do a song with Portugese lyrics. Desafinado. You remember. So I walked up to him, gave him my most seducing glance and said – from the song – “Eu possuo apenas o que cleus me deu”. I never really knew what it meant (and still don’t, to be honest). I was expecting it to work really well. After all, I put in my really soft voice, gave him big eyes over my dark sunglasses and leaned across the bar. It always works. Sometimes. Ya know what he said? “Twat”. TWAT! In perfect English! Turned out the arsehole was a Brit! Well, excuse me for tryin’. So I said “So that’s a no then?” and he said… actually he didn’t say anything, he just gave me a look, turned his back and walked away. He walked away from George Michael. Turned his BACK on the George! I thought he may not have recognised me, that my plan was working and moved on.
So I got out of there and down to this local diner or whatever. I was getting hungry and fancied something to eat before embarking on my dessert later on. IfyouknowwhatImean. I walked into the room and every noise, all the clinking noises of cuttlery and talking and everything just went zoom – quiet as a… quiet. I sat down, hid behind the menu when this girl came up to me and said – with an enticing Spanish accent – “What can I get Mr Michael?” I said I wasn’t Mr Michael. It’s true, really. Even though I gave my ego a name, doesn’t mean I’m him. It means my ego requires its own planet (Planet George), but it doesn’t mean that I’m who my ego is. Or something. Whatever, she looked at me and said “You shake your butt in video” and I said my butt hadn’t been in any video. She said something out loud in Spanish and four big guys came over. They looked at me and nodded. “They say all you George Michael.” Suddenly all eyes on me, I excused myself and practically ran out.
When I got back to my hotel I ordered in. He was really hot. 
Tomorrow, more rehearsals. Excited. Will report back.
George x
