Dear Diary – This Knobby Chick

Right, this is the thing.

I’ve met Knobby. We have a history. A long time ago, but she knows who I am, I know who she is, we exchanged sarcasms about three years ago. It stopped, suddenly, after I agreed to an interview, set it up, and my manager behaved like a bit of a twat and put an end to that. And everything else. I apologised on his behalf, thought things were OK between us, but never saw her again.

To be honest, I didn’t care much. I hardly even noticed, to be honest. What I did notice, however, was that the spewing of acid sarcasm was gone from my forum. Six months later I shut it down – for reasons totally unrelated to this. I used to read the comments, amongst many others, and though I didn’t exactly miss them I took notice. Then the times of blogs came. I found Knobby’s blog. Read it when I thought Kenny wasn’t looking – until I caught him doing the same and we started reading it together.

What’s this with Kevin Spacey anyway? Is he more interesting than me? Surely not. He’s not an intelligent as me either, and Tony Blair seems to like him (bitch). Bill Clinton too. There’s been a lot about Kevin Spacey on Knobby’s blog. Even in the middle of my scandals, when I should be getting all the attention, there’s a Kevin Spacey post. What’s he got to do with anything? I don’t care about him, and yet I know more about him than I care to – just in case there’s a mention of me in the Kevin Spacey posts. There seldom is, but I’ve noticed some comparisons. Like he does more things than I do. I couldn’t have that – so I decided to go on tour. That should show’em. He’s doing a play for 3 months, I’m doing a tour for 3 months. Same thing! Now leave me alone.

Kenny suggests that I’m obsessing over this matter, but I do feel that because the Knobby character was first dedicated to me, focus should stay on me. Jesus. Come on, honestly, I may not do professional stuff all the time, but you can’t say it’s ever boring being a fan of mine. How many times haven’t I had my fans going into a frenzy this year alone? Newspaper headlines, releasing songs to the radio without telling anyone, springing a tour on them just like that – where’s my appreciation?

It’s especially during rants like this that Kenny looks at me and says, “George. Darling. It don’t matter, dude.” But it does. I feel deprived. I do get like 70% of the attention on Knobby’s Blog, but where’s the other 30%? Kevin Spacey, other people and topics that’s got nothing to do with George Michael. I ask myself, I really do, “How can it be!?” So I decided to go public and say – as Knobby’s Blog has said for years – “Talk less and sing more.” Now if I do that, shut up and sing, will that earn me the other 30% as well? Or do I have to switch to Remarkable’s Blog instead? I don’t understand what the fuck he means most of the time, but I’ll go there just to spite the Knob. Give 30% of my attention to someone else – give a feel of what that feels like. Hah!

George – heading over to Knobby’s.