Dear Diary – Julio’s Whisper

I’m appalled. I’m horrified. I can’t believe it.

I taped Jonathan Ross on my Sky Box yesterday – as I had other things to do last night, without going into details – and decided to watch it back this afternoon. Jack Black, Julio Iglesias, Ben Affleck. Interesting enough guests. I was kind of paying attention as I was surfing for porn replying to some emails on my laptop, then Julio came on and I tried paying attention to what he said but as his accent is sorta thick, I had trouble. And to be honest I wasn’t that interested in what he had to say.

So, Alex had just brought me a gorgeous moccha frappucchino from Starbucks, I was sucking along (ahem) and suddenly I hear, “I’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm…” I looked up quicker than if someone had said “Quick, Colin Farrell naked!” and spewed out the sip I’d just taken of my chilled coffee out onto my laptop screen. It was Julio fucking Iglesias singing my fucking song! The song that I wrote in 1980 when I was 17 years old. Seventeen! Julio is like… older. Than me, even! “Careless Whisper” with an accent is even worse than “Careless Whisper” with Smokey Robinson (sorry Smokey – but you should have been put behind bars for musical murder that night!). Good lord… 

Hear a clip of it here.

I thought, “I’m speechless. I’m… I’m… I’m… I’m without words. There should be rules and regulations against this sort of stuff. The worst thing is, someone gave the go-ahead to put this on an album. Surely it wasn’t me?” Then Julio said some really nice things about me and my “masterpiece” and suddenly I felt a bit bad for thinking such things – but in reality, it sounded like… something I wouldn’t do. Unless I was seventeen again, in which case I’d probably do it. Though without the accent. And with knowledge of how to perform the song properly without making it sound like something off the soundtrack of “Blind Date”. 

George – still in shock